There is a calling on my life....

Hey all,

Well, its 1:18 in the morning...and I am sick...high fever, chills, feeling hot and then cold...yep I have it all (except the coughing and runny nose...thank you Jesus!) so I am wide awake.

One of my favorite songs is this song by Vershawn Mitchell "Over and Over." This song talks about the reason why you are here...on this earth...God keeps waking you up in the middle of the night...and the questions is....WHAT AM I DOING HERE???!!!



God can speak to you in many ways...through people, through His word, through music...but you have to be willing and open to hearing it...

God spoke to me in the shower!!! yes the shower!!! And the crazy thing is...it was about my hair!!! I was contemplating washing my hair...because I have been so lazy with it...but I didnt because its cold outside and I didn't want to get sicker than I already was. What He said to me was "There is a calling on your life"

So for the past couple of months, I have been contemplating different styles for my hair...I have A LOT of hair...and its getting hard for me to handle...I wear braids but because its sooo soft it unravels and gets frizzy in a couple of days....it drives me NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and then I wanted sisterlocks but they are too much money for me right now...and then I thought about straightening my hair....which I did not want to do!!

So what does this have to do with me being in the shower and God speaking to me?? Here is the truth...I have never thought of myself as an attractive girl...and it was all mental for me...even when I lost the weight that I thought was holding me back...I still didnt feel pretty. Well a lot of people loved my long permed hair...and I was judged for it a lot of times...and also I recieved the wrong kind of attention from it, and I was tired of it...

So because I had low self esteem...my hair was my confidence...it was my ego...and I knew that if I really wanted to get "authentic" self esteem that I could finally LOVE myself the way I wanted too...so I CUT ALL MY HAIR OFF!!!

I was sooo upset...but I KNEW it was something I had to do....because God is a jealous God and he doesnt want you to worship anyone but HIM!!! and I felt that in order for me to be in tuned with God, I need to remove that thing I worshiped...and I told God that HE was in control...

But in the shower, I realized that, HE still wasnt in control....I decided for HIM that I would cut my hair...what if that wasn't my fake confidence? what if that was my calling on my life?? I realized that I didn't want to straighten my hair for the same reasons I didnt want to cut it...it was my security...I was flattered by the attention of my hair...and now..its "growing out of control"

I know what some of you are thinking...is she complaining about a head full of hair?? YES when you cant take care of it properly!!! What good is good hair if you cant do ANYTHING with it?? I have always loved hair...doing hair....ever since I was little...I actually taught myself how to conrow in the 3rd grade....and I use to watch every beauty show on tv!!!! My older sister was also in beauty school, and I use to get in trouble for playing with her things...especially the manakin head...lol

Maybe hair is the calling on my life...maybe by my hair going out of control, is telling me that I did the wrong thing, and that HE is in control....

Now Im not saying that I regret cutting it...but the reasons why I cut...I should have talked to GOD first....

So all tonight...me and God has a looong talk...and I opened my ears, and my heart...and I listened...and HE spoke to me...loud and clear!!!

It may not make since to you, but its not suppose too!!! God requires a INDIVIDUAL relationship with Him and what is for you could not be for me....

so I encourage everyone to talk to the LORD!!! Open your heart...ask the HOLY Spirit to take rest in you...I promise you..He will tell you your calling!!!!

okay so im sleepy now...part two...coming soon...lol

until next time,
Knatural Beauty